


got what you want

by modernpatroclus



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I'm not sorry, M/M, this is so tropey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 17:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7901839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modernpatroclus/pseuds/modernpatroclus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Briseis loves Deidameia; Patroclus loves Achilles; Achilles is dating Deidameia. But Achilles and Deidameia can hardly stand each other.</p><p>The solution? Obviously, Briseis and Patroclus have to fake-date to make them jealous and realize what they're missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	got what you want

**Author's Note:**

> the tropiest, most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written
> 
> title from What You Want by The Heirs  
> also I discovered What’s It Gonna Be by Shura as I was working on this and it’s perfect for this fic

Briseis had a plan. The plan revolved around the history of the rather twisted situation, which went back two years.

Achilles had started dating Deidameia during their sophomore year of high school, per his mother’s urging. He’d never dated anyone before, and Patroclus had – foolishly, it seemed now – thought that, maybe, Achilles had shared his feelings. But two years later, Achilles was still with Deidameia.

It was a perfect match in theory: both from wealthy, affluent families, both popular, both drop-dead gorgeous.

But in practice, it was a horrible match. It wasn’t a particular person’s fault; they just didn’t work as a couple – or as friends, even. They’d hardly known each other when they’d gotten together, and when he watched them together now, Patroclus knew that hardly changed in two years.

To top it off, they fought constantly, over stupid things. Deidameia spent more time getting ready than the actual length of the dates. Achilles spent most of his free time with Patroclus. When they did go out, Patroclus was all Achilles would talk about. Deidameia purposely made plans with Briseis to get out of going to Achilles’ track meets.

The fights were ceaseless.

They were like an old married couple – in a marriage of convenience.

Not only did they drive each other crazy, but they drove their best friends insane right along with them.

It’d be bad enough to deal with on its own. But couple that with the fact that Patroclus and Brisies were pathetically pining for Achilles and Deidameia respectively, and the whole situation was a damn mess.

It had been on a Friday night of commiserating their rotten love luck that Briseis came up with the idea.

“ _No._ ”

“C’mon, Pat! This is perfect! We pretend to go out, Achilles and Dee realize what they’re missing, they end their relationship from hell, they express their foolishness at being so blind to their love for us for so long, everyone has a super dramatic but equally romantic kiss in the rain, everyone lives happily ever after, the end!”

Patroclus had watched, half-impressed, half-concerned, as Briseis had laid it out all in one breath. Pat briefly wished, not for the first time, that he’d fallen for her instead of his other, terminally unavailable best friend. The woman was a damn marvel. Life would have been so much easier.

Impatient from Pat’s lack of positive response, Briseis had leaned over across her bed and grasped his hand in both of hers. Cue the puppy-dog face, complete with wide brown eyes.

Patroclus’ own brown eyes had narrowed. She always knew how to get her way. Ruthless.

“Please, Pat,” she’d begged, dragging out the ‘please.’

Patroclus had sighed, already resigned to the fact that she would always win.

Besides, if there was a chance she was right – “ _Achilles has been in love with you for as long as I’ve known him, Pat, don’t be silly; he’s just a blind idiot and a momma’s boy”_ – then this plan may actually have a chance at success.

The rest of their Friday night had been spent plotting: on Monday morning, subtly announce the start of their relationship; watch for envious reactions; if necessary, add more PDA; wait for their combined genius to take effect, finally giving all four of them what Briseis insisted they all truly wanted.

* * *

The rest of the weekend followed uneventfully.

Other than Brisies texting him ( _!!!_ ) to say that Deidameia was dragging her to the mall on Saturday, and later that she would be spending the night, there was nothing of note on her front.

There was more or less the same on his end.

Achilles had an impromptu track practice all day on Saturday so the team could prep for the big upcoming meet against their rivals the Trojans, and when he’d dropped by unannounced that evening, Patroclus had been obsessively (Achilles’ words, not his) cramming for his upcoming AP biology test.

Achilles had been complacently playing with Patroclus’ dog Chiron for all of twenty minutes before his attempts at getting Pat’s attention had begun. He’d tackled Patroclus to his bed and wrestled his textbook away with little effort.

“Pay _attention_ to me!” he’d whined.

Patroclus had been unable to stop the grin from showing before Achilles caught it. The fight had been won. He hadn’t given up once he’d seen the almost imperceptible twitch of Pat’s lips, pinning him and practically nuzzling him to get him to laugh. It’d worked.

But, as always, that’d been as far as it’d gone. No leaning in and giving into the tension that’d been steadily building between them for the decade they’d known each other. No proclamations of, “ _I don’t love Deidameia because I’m in love with you.”_

Anticlimactic, but unexpected. The story of his life.

Sunday had followed in much the same fashion but with less of being blissfully pinned down and more actual work getting done – for Pat, his AP, and assisting Achilles with his own regular-level homework. He didn’t care much for school, claimed it bored him and was a waste of his time when he was going to have a career in professional sports, so Pat had to sit by his side and force him to work with him to actually get anything done.

(If Patroclus had been more aware of Achilles’ motives, he’d see precisely why Achilles was so adamantly against completing his homework without Patroclus leaning over him and patiently explaining things he probably could figure out on his own. But, as it was, Patroclus was oblivious to the fact that his pining wasn’t so unrequited.)

After they’d finished, Deidameia had called to ask if she’d left her purse in his car the other night, and when he’d refused to bring it to her and told her to just wait till tomorrow at school, they’d argued.

It’d gone on for nearly a half hour before Pat finally got fed up listening to it. He’d texted Bri to come over and rescue him. She lived down the street, so within five minutes she’d come in through the front door and plopped herself in between him and Achilles on the couch.

Achilles was still on the phone by this point, but when he looked over and saw himself separated from Patroclus by Briseis, his face had subtly soured even further. Bri had feigned ignorance to his plight, but then turned and smirked meaningfully at Patroclus.

He’d kept his face carefully neutral, but he couldn’t deny the leap his heart had done in his chest.

Achilles had left not long after Bri had arrived, grumbling about meeting Deidameia for lunch to give her her purse. He’d sent Briseis and Patroclus one last withering look, halfway between annoyance at her and longing for him, before the door had firmly shut behind him.

As soon as he was gone, Briseis had pounced on Pat.

She’d punched him playfully in the arm, and he’d tried but failed to hide a wince. “Try to tell me _now_ that I’m imagining things!”

He’d rolled his eyes but consented that just _maybe_ she was right; maybe his pining wasn’t quite so one-sided as he’d thought.

That night, under the guise of sleeping at Achilles’ to his father, Patroclus had brought his school stuff to Briseis’ and spent the night on her bedroom floor.

* * *

Monday morning, the plan was officially put into action.

When he knew Achilles would be leaving to pick him up for school, Pat texted him that he didn’t need one that morning.

_youll be there though, right??_

Pat smiled at the text. Over his shoulder, Briseis exclaimed, “ _Tell_ me I’m wrong, Pat!”

He playfully elbowed her, but she gracefully dodged it. While he responded to Achilles that yes, he would be there but was getting a ride with Bri, the girl in question rolled away from him and pushed herself to her feet.

“Alright, time to really get this plan moving. Ready, Pat?”

Despite his reservations for the thousands of ways this plan could backfire, Patroclus felt himself getting excited. “Yeah.”

She grinned softly and offered her hand. He took it.

* * *

As soon as they got out of Bri’s car, they grabbed hands. This was high school; the news could even potentially reach Achilles before they did.

Patroclus’ locker was two down from Achilles’, where he knew he’d find him waiting. With Deidameia, since Briseis wasn’t with her that morning.

As predicted, Achilles was leaning against his closed locker with Deidameia right next to him, reading something for class. As soon as Achilles spotted them walking his way, hands swinging lightly but subtly between them, he narrowed his eyes.

He started to say something, but Deidameia beat him to it.

“Okay, you two have some explaining to do,” she said, rounding on them both with an unreadable expression. For once, Achilles agreed with her.

“Yeah, what’s going on? Pat didn’t tell me you started going out,” he said with a frown, directed towards Patroclus.

Pat blushed but was saved by Bri.

“It was recent. There probably wasn’t time, since we hung out most of the weekend.”

Pat nodded like he’d been about to say the same thing.

Achilles’ frown deepend. Deidameia finally let her displeasure show, too.

“Um, we were together Saturday night, Briseis. When exactly did this happen, and why didn’t you say anything?”

“Yeah, Pat,” Achilles prodded.

He and Bri exchanged looks of feigned sheepishness. “Friday night? Unofficially,” Pat supplied.

“Not until yesterday did I finally have to get this dork to explicitly acknowledge that he wanted to be my boyfriend,” she explained.

“Hey, I told you! I didn’t know you wanted more than what we’d been–” He cut himself off, acting like he’d said more than he meant to.

“ _What?”_ Achilles and Deidameia exclaimed together.

“ _How_ long?” Achilles demanded, while Deidameia accused, “You never said _anything!”_

Patroclus had to bite down on his lip to hold back the grin threatening to erupt and give him away. Briseis squeezed his hand in warning, but he knew she was thinking the same thing he was.

It was working. After two years of suffering through watching their crushes together in silence, they were finally getting somewhere.

He knew he shouldn’t feel so glad, but if Patroclus was honest with himself, it felt _good_ to be on the other side – wanted, but out of reach, for once.

Briseis finally broke the shocked silence. “I’ve gotta go cram for AP Bio,” she declared, “since _someone_ kept me up late last night.” She turned a mock-glare Pat’s way.

Hyperaware of Achilles watching, Patroclus affected an embarrassed chuckle and ruffled his hair. “Sorry.”

Briseis grinned and said, “All good, babe. I enjoyed it.” Patroclus blushed when she threw in an unexpected wink. “I’ll see you in bio, babe. Later, Achilles,” she said, giving him a grin and a wave before walking off.

Deidameia threw Patroclus a look that made him truly nervous. “ _We_ ,” she said, pointing a manicured finger from herself to him and then back, “will speak _later,_ Menoitiades.” Then she turned heel and flipped her hair, following briskly after Briseis.

Achilles cleared his throat, and Pat turned to him. He was met with an unimpressed look. “What was all that?”

“All what?” Pat asked innocently.

Achilles rolled his eyes. “‘Babe’? 'You kept me up last night,’” he mocked, not cruelly but not pleasantly either. “Is that why you didn’t need a ride this morning?” He was frowning. Patroclus hoped Achilles couldn’t hear his heart hammering in his chest.

“Yeah,” he admitted. At least this was the truth. All the lying, despite the favors they were doing for him, was already wearying. He had never so much as fibbed to not let Achilles copy his homework before. In one morning, he’d already set a first and highest record.

“I’m not gonna lie, Pat. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Pat asked, more defensive than he’d thought he’d be.

Achilles looked taken aback by Pat’s reaction. “Well, you’re best friends, for one. What if it doesn’t work out?”

Patroclus crossed his arms over his chest. “We’re seventeen, Achilles. I’m not proposing. It probably won’t. But we’ve been through enough together that I think our friendship can withstand a breakup. For now, I really want this.” The words came easily; he did love Briseis, with his whole heart. In a familial way, yes, but he’d still hold onto her friendship with bruised and bloody knuckles. If there were actual romantic feelings involved, he knew, somehow, that they’d have been able to deal with them.

Besides, the childish part of him demanded, if Achilles could date a friend – although Deidameia was more Pat’s, and even then had only become one after she’d started dating Achilles – why couldn’t Patroclus?

The part of him that wanted to believe Briseis whispered that maybe, Achilles would have the same reaction no matter who else Patroclus dated.

Achilles didn’t look reassured. Instead, there was a look of envy in his green eyes that Patroclus had rarely ever seen there before.

Reassured by the proof on Achilles’ face and Briseis’ unwavering belief in Achilles’ feelings, Patroclus smiled softly.

“You know you’re still my best friend, right?”

Achilles’ features softened, from the icy borderline rage to its normally happy warmth. “I better be. Can’t ever replace your first kiss, Pat.”

Pat’s smile vanished, and his face burned at the memory.

When they were eleven, Achilles’ mother had taken them to the beach for the day and Patroclus had totally mortified himself when he’d leaned right in and kissed him. They’d never spoken of it since. Until now.

Pat narrowed his eyes and glared. “You’re pretty, but you’re cold, Pelides.”

Achilles smirked triumphantly. “You think I’m pretty, Pat?” When Pat blushed, he continued, the words a few degrees colder. “Won’t your girlfriend be jealous?”

Patroclus grinned deviously. “She won’t be the only one then.”

Achilles narrowed his stare on Patroclus. “What is that supposed to mean, hm?”

Patroclus feigned innocence, turning to his locker to retrieve the books he needed. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

Achilles grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him right back around.

“Are you saying I’m _jealous,_ Patroclus? Of _Briseis?”_

“I didn’t _say_ that, but if one were to infer such a thing, then perhaps it isn’t so inconceivable after all,” Patroclus said in a light, suggestive tone.

Achilles scoffed, and Patroclus waited for him to deny it. Instead, he took Patroclus by surprise.

“Of _course_ I’m jealous. She’s taking you away from me.” Patroclus would’ve thought he’d heard wrong, were it not for the pout gracing Achilles’ gorgeous features.

Pat gaped like a fish. He couldn’t form a coherent response if his life depended on it.

At Pat’s reaction, Achilles grinned like he’d won the lottery. Without another word, he walked off down the hall to his first period gym class.

The bell rang as Patroclus stood, still gaping after Achilles, wondering what the hell game he was playing.

* * *

“They’re staring.”

“Both of them?”

“Don’t look! Yes. I am. A genius.”

Patroclus allowed himself to roll his eyes just enough for Briseis to see, but not their envious onlookers. Regardless, she stuck out her tongue in response, and they both laughed. And by the wicked gleam in Bri’s eye afterward, it all apparently helped their cause.

Currently they were sitting at their own table in the outside lunch area delegated to seniors. Usually, the four of them all sat together. But in keeping with their plan, Briseis insisted they tell Achilles and Deidameia they were going to sit alone today.

Achilles hadn’t been happy when Patroclus had told him. And, judging from the quick peek he stole, neither was Deidameia.

“Yeah,” Pat said, smirking just so, “you kind of are.”

Briseis fake-preened in a pretty damn excellent imitation of Deidameia.

“What are they doing now?”

“Alternating between glaring at us and glaring at each other,” Briseis reported a touch too gleefully.

“Alright,” Pat said.

Briseis raised an eyebrow. “Alright what?”

“I’m gonna come sit next to you.”

She lit up. “Good idea. Even though I know you only thought of it so you can watch your man candy pine like a tree.”

Pat laughed a little too loudly at that, because when he sat down next to Bri, Achilles had a faint smile on his face as he watched him. It quickly morphed when he saw what Patroclus was doing though.

The week continued in the same way.

They sat with Achilles and Deidameia for lunch the rest of the week so they didn’t spend too much time alone and completely alienate the people they were doing this for, but they kept finding little ways to keep Achilles and Deidameia on their toes. And, to Patroclus’ selfish delight, away from each other.

Achilles had started swooping in as soon as Patroclus got out of class in a poorly concealed effort to beat Briseis to it. And Briseis told him that Deidameia started picking her up in the mornings, thus forcing her to catch a ride home too.

Two years of a bad relationship were reduced to a week of jealousy. At this rate, Bri declared, they would be all sorted out by prom.

* * *

The charade went on for nearly a month, with Patroclus and Briseis faking heart eyes at each other while Achilles and Deidameia sent daggers at the person they wanted to be.

Deidameia had broken first. The night before, Bri had given her the latest excuse for why they couldn’t hang out, and Briseis had proceeded to tell Pat all about it with extraneous exclamation pointed-texts right after she’d left.

She’d instructed him to use the same excuse on Achilles the next time he saw him.

It was a damn good idea, it seemed.

When Patroclus reluctantly took Bri’s suggestion of telling Achilles he couldn’t make his track meet due to a prior promise to help Briseis babysit her nephew overnight, Achilles had had enough.

 _“What?”_ he’d all but shrieked.

Pat didn’t have to feign the guilty look he gave Achilles. He’d never missed a meet before, not even the time he’d had the flu and Achilles had forced him to spend the next three days in bed while he’d played nurse.

“I’m so sorry. It’s just that I made these plans a week ago, and if I bail she’ll be upset.”

“ _Upset? She’ll_ be upset? Patroclus, _I_ am upset! You’ve never missed me run before!”

“I know, and I feel awful! But, Achilles–”

Patroclus was cut off by hands yanking him forward by the collar of his shirt and a pair of lips on his, soft but demanding.

Patroclus froze for only a second before he melted into the kiss, letting the years of his repressed feelings pour from his mouth into Achilles’. When Achilles’ tongue prodded at Pat’s closed lips, he gasped and Achilles seized the opportunity with a vengeance.

Achilles’ hands were as frantic as his mouth, touching every inch of bare skin and grasping fabric. It was like he couldn’t get enough, but at the same time couldn’t figure out what to do with all of it.

Pat knew the feeling.

Patroclus pulled his mouth away first, head thrown back as he gasped as quietly as he could for air. Achilles was relentless; he only left Pat’s skin for a moment to catch his breath before he dove back in and attacked Patroclus’ jaw, neck, collarbone.

Patroclus reveled in it. He moaned and tried not to come right there in his pants. With the way Achilles was kissing him, Patroclus could finally see why Deidameia had put up with their dysfunctional relationship for so long. (After that thought, he’d forced his brain to stop and just _feel_.)

When they finally, truly, broke apart some time later, Patroclus realized they’d ended up on his couch with Achilles on top and Patroclus pinned under him like he’d been so many times before. He hadn’t thought it could feel any better, but as always, Achilles found a way to prove him wrong and make him fall even further.

Achilles broke the almost-silence of panting breaths. “I have to break up with Deidameia. That oughta be fun,” he muttered. Despite that, he still looked pretty happy with the recent developments in his life.

“Somehow, I don’t think she’ll be too upset,” Patroclus said. When Achilles gave him a questioning look, he said, “Tell her to meet here at my house in twenty.”

Achilles looked even more confused. “You’re gonna break up with my girlfriend for me?”

As he texted Bri to bring Deidameia to his house if they were together, he told Achilles, “Something like that.”

* * *

Briseis and Deidameia came in together not long after they’d texted. They had already been together at Bri’s – and, by their flushed cheeks and mussed hair, they’d been busy, too.

“So, I guess we all cheated on each other then…” Briseis said, after it was obvious no one else was going to speak. But it _was_ obvious what’d been happening in both parties, so, ever-practical, she’d been the brave one and ripped the band aid off for them all.

“Why aren’t either of you upset? A few hours ago at school, you seemed all gaga over each other.” So Briseis hadn’t told Deidameia of their plan yet.

Patroclus and Briseis exchanged a guilty look.

“My dear fake boyfriend and I have a confession to make,” she admitted. There was still a hint of amusement in her eyes.

“What do you mean fake?” Deidameia shot.

“I mean,” Briseis said with exaggerated impatience, rolling her eyes fondly, “that we were never really actually together.”

Achilles’ and Deidameia’s mouths dropped open at precisely the same moment. And at the same time that Pat pointed at Briseis and accused, “It was Bri’s idea!” Briseis pointed at him and yelled, “It was Pat’s fault!”

Patroclus scoffed. “Me? It was your idea in the first place! ‘I have a _brilliant_ idea, Patroclus,’ ‘My plan is working perfectly.’”

Briseis just rolled her eyes. “Okay, but you have a very incriminating history of encouraging people’s bad ideas, Mr. ‘I Dare Achilles to Hop the Trojans’ Fence’.” She shot a pointed look Achilles’ way, and he only grinned, proud and completely unabashed.

Patroclus elbowed him in the side, but Achilles grinned wider and caught his arm, pulling Patroclus into his side. “The woman speaks the truth,” he conceded. “You’re a very pressurable peer.”

When Patroclus scrunched his nose in defiance, Achilles leaned down and kissed it.

“Well this is the fucking weirdest situation I’ve ever been in,” Deidameia finally declared. “And I’ve hung out with you two fuckheads for a while now.”

“She’s not mad at least,” Achilles supplied optimistically.

“Yeah, but I’m never going on a double-date with you guys,” she quipped. Briseis laughed and threw her arm around her shoulders. Deidameia leaned in.

“That’s alright. I’m the only one that has to be there,” Briseis said, words slightly muffled by the way she was speaking into Deidameia’s cheek and grinning. Deidameia turned her head and kissed Briseis.

“Alright, if you two are gonna make out then can you get out so Patroclus and I can resume our very important activities?”

Deidameia and Briseis both rolled their eyes and turned to walk out the door. Briseis looked back over her shoulder at Patroclus and threw him a wink, and he smiled at her.

When the door shut behind the girls, Achilles pounced on Pat. He fell onto the couch with an, “Oomph!”

Achilles nuzzled his face into Pat’s neck, and Patroclus could feel his smile.

“I’m sorry,” Achilles said against Pat’s skin. He shivered from the feeling.

“For what?” he asked, pulling away so Achilles would look at him.

“That it took so much time and effort for this to happen,” he explained. “If I had broken up with Deidameia and just told you how I felt we could’ve already been together.”

Patroclus thought his heart would melt at the sincerity in Achilles’ face. He gave Achilles a soft smile, running his fingers gently through his hair. Achilles leaned into his touch.

“There’s nothing to forgive, Achilles. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Achilles didn’t look totally convinced; he still probably felt foolish for cheating himself out of years of a relationship with Patroclus. But after a minute he shook his head and smiled. “You’re right. You’re mine now, and I don’t have to watch you with anyone else again.”

“C’mere,” Pat whispered, pulling Achilles’ mouth to his.

“Gladly,” Achilles whispered back, smiling, against his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> a back-to-school present for all those who have to suffer with me this week (college is going back earlier and earlier i s2g)


End file.
